Welcome back to the Zach Touchon Show! Today, we’re diving deep into a topic that resonates with so many of us: inner child trauma and how it affects our lives. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not good enough, trust me, I know how that feels. Many of us are still carrying emotional wounds from childhood, and it’s time to uncover them, face them, and begin the healing process.
The Origins of Inner Child Trauma
The roots of inner child trauma often trace back to early childhood experiences. For me, it was a profound need to be loved—a need that stemmed from childhood and followed me into adulthood. This longing to be loved shaped many of my decisions and reactions without me even realizing it. And I’m not alone in this.
Through conversations with others, I’ve noticed that many people are ruled by the emotional scars left by their inner child. Take, for example, a friend of mine who had developed a tough exterior. While this toughness served her well in some areas of life, like being a dedicated mom and hard worker, it also created intimacy issues. Because of a childhood where she didn’t receive the affection she needed, she found it difficult to let her guard down and be vulnerable in relationships.
This is the paradox of trauma—it can make us strong, but it can also prevent us from experiencing the deeper emotional connections we crave.
The Role of Childhood Affection
The affection we receive as children—or lack thereof—plays a crucial role in our emotional development. For one man I spoke with, his parents were always working, leaving him without the love and attention he needed as a child. This absence of affection left a lasting mark on him, manifesting in adulthood as difficulty making decisions or expressing vulnerability.
When we don’t receive the love, encouragement, and attention we need as children, we can develop emotional blocks that rule our adult lives. These blocks prevent us from fully experiencing our emotions, which is key to healing our inner child.
The VAR Method: A Path to Healing
One method I use to help people work through their inner child trauma is what I call the VAR Method: Visualize, Analyze, Realize. While this process works best in person, I’ll give you a simple, surface-level version of it here.
Visualize: Think about a specific moment from your past that may have triggered this trauma. For one man, it was a memory of his father pulling him by the hair and calling him an “asshole” when he was just playing with his brother. This moment became a turning point for him, creating a fear of making decisions. Visualizing the moment in detail is the first step—try to remember the environment, the feelings, and the situation fully.
Analyze: Once you have the moment in mind, analyze how it has impacted your life. How has that moment shaped your reactions, behaviors, or emotions today?
Realize: Finally, realize that this trauma doesn’t have to control you. You can begin to let go of the emotional baggage tied to that moment by understanding it and accepting it.
Ask for What You Need
In addition to working through your trauma, it’s essential to train the people around you to give you what you need. If you crave encouragement or love, ask for it. Often, we don’t receive the support we need because we don’t ask. But by expressing our needs, we empower ourselves to receive the love and encouragement we deserve.
Healing from inner child trauma is a journey, but the first step is being willing to feel fully, confront your past, and ask for what you need. You deserve to live free from the emotional burdens of your childhood.
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